‘I could go months without it’: When your sex drive disappears post-kids

Ariane Beeston

It’s no secret that when you’re raising young children your libido can take quite a hit. In those early years of parenthood, sleep often takes priority over sex.

And when sexy time does happen, it’s usually a quickie when the kids have gone down.

That’s exactly why one mother’s candid post about her lack of sex drive, which she shared on the forum mumsnet, is striking a chord with other mums – many of whom feel the same way.

“I have been reading about how some women feel that having sex once a week is not enough for their partners,” the author wrote, “because they don’t feel like it etc. But now I am starting to feel that I have a problem.”

The mother-of-three shared that she can now go “months” without sex. “It doesn’t bother me anymore,” she said, adding that her partner has “the patience of a saint” and that she feels bad for him.

“I just wonder what the hell is wrong with me?” the mum lamented. “We have been together for 14 years and I still fancy him loads. I have a 15-year-old and my two youngest are 3 and 16 weeks. But I have felt like this before I had the younger two. 

“So what is wrong with me?”

In response to her heartfelt plea, the mum was inundated with stories from other women who shared their own experiences of dwindling libidos post-kids, as well as messages of support.

“There’s nothing odd about you,” one mum assured her. “Where there are very small children there is usually a very tired parent! Give it time and stop being so hard on yourself … That only makes sex feel like a duty or a chore rather than something that’s supposed to pleasure BOTH partners … Really, go easy on yourself, the less pressure you feel the more at ease you will be when the libido comes back.”

Many women shared that time made all the difference, with sex returning to their relationship once children were older. “My son is 10 and my husband and I have only just really started having a regular sex life again. We’ve had a decade of very little physical contact for many reasons. If you can both accept the status quo and stay affectionate and loving, you may find that things change eventually.”

For other mums, however, parenthood changed their partner’s libido, rather than their own.”It’s not only us women who go off sex,” one commenter wrote. “My bloke claims he still finds me attractive, and he’s definitely not cheating on me considering he spends all his non-working time either at home or at the gym. It’s just one of those things that happen in life.  “Thank goodness for vibrators.”

 

 

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