Just in case you’ve been happy with your body lately, may I throw you a spanner? So-called experts have introduced yet another test with which to measure our inadequacy. How lovely of them. Forget the thigh gap (and believe me, I forgot it a long time ago) – now it’s all about the “nipple meridian”.
Yes, ladies, we can now scientifically determine the attractiveness of our breasts according to what percentage is above and below the nipple. The ideal, it’s been revealed, is a 45:55 ratio, with 45 per cent on top, 55 per cent below.
We can thank London-based plastic surgeon Patrick Malluci, who did a study of 1300 people and found that 87 per cent ranked breasts with the 45:55 ratio as their favourite, creating a 20-degree upward angle and producing a “beckoning breast”. No, really, that is the official term they’ve coined.
Celebrities with “beckoning breasts” include Scarlett Johansson, Kate Middleton, Miranda Kerr, Kelly Brook, Megan Fox and Kim Kardashian, aka the usual suspects.
“Most women walk into a clinic thinking they’re going to get a couple of round footballs because fullness is a desired look,” Malluci told The Sun newspaper. “But this doesn’t equate to attractiveness in the naked breast. Most surgeons give women what they think they want. And hey presto, plastic surgery gets a bad name for promoting a fake and distorted image.”
Thank goodness that’s been cleared up. We wouldn’t want plastic surgery to get a reputation.
And from a distance, if one was to observe the recent fashion shows in London, New York, Paris and Milan, it might look as though designers were joining this absolute madness.
Nipples ruled the catwalk like never before. Erdem and Christopher Kane featured girls in completely sheer, long-sleeved blouses, while even the conservative British label Burberry showed bare breasts under sheer tops, and Tom Ford, master of over the top luxury, flashed nipples dripping with sequins.
But rather than a push for perfection, fashion designers were actually taking sides with the #freethenipple cause, making a statement about censorship. Balmain’s Olivier Rousteing flatly admitted his Paris S/S 2015 show was an ode to #freethenipple.
“It’s all about being banned and censored, and just being like, ‘Express yourself; don’t repress yourself’,” Rousteing told New York magazine. “It’s just all about what’s happening in the world today.”
The #freethenipple campaign may have had superficial beginnings, but the root cause is much deeper. Did you know it’s illegal to show your nipples in 35 states in America? Even for breastfeeding women. Let me repeat that, breastfeeding in public is illegal in 35 US states. In Louisiana, a woman can be jailed for up to three years for exposing her nipples. No wonder celebrities and fashion designers are coming out in force to support the movement.
The #freethenipple fashion trend is a bugger to translate into real life, though – precisely because we can’t show nipples. Where does this leave us? With a singlet underneath, completely ruining the floaty feeling of the garment. It’s not the way the clothes were intended to be worn.
The best solution, I’ve found, is a stretchy bandeau top which also covers the belly – and leaves my bra free to be used as a slingshot to anyone who dares mention a “beckoning breast” or the 45:55 ratio.
The Indigenous Ray Ban Edition
A twist on the classic Ray Ban will hit stores at the end of October. The company ran a competition for an indigenous artist to have their design printed on the classic Wayfarer style. The winning print, from artist Saretta Fielding, is now stamped onto the glasses, which were then shot on the beautiful Samantha Harris in a campaign that is sure to catch hearts. The initiative is a collaboration between Ray Ban and One Sight, a charity that helps improve the lives of those in impoverished communities by providing testing and eyewear. $50 from each $159.95 pair sold will go to One Sight to support indigenous eye health programs.
Shoes for bees
Buy shoes … save bees? A tenuous link, I’ll give you that, but it’s fast becoming truth, with one company doing its bit to help the world’s bees. You’ve heard about the bee population taking a nosedive, but did you know Australia’s Dr Denis Anderson discovered the deadly Varroa mite that’s wiped out bees across the world? Australia is the only country to have resisted it, and now, by buying shoes, we too can help save the bees. These pastel-coloured sandals are made from recycled rubber, plus $2 from every $29.95 pair goes towards the Bees Downunder foundation. It’s an important cause, considering that if the world’s bee population disappeared we’d starve in five years as a result. Find Honeybees sandals at myhoneybees.com.au and spread the word.
Bring on swim/summer 14/15
Ready or not, here comes swimsuit season. Face it front on with Zimmermann, the famed Aussie designers who now have three stores in the US, as well as being stocked in Saks, Bloomingdales, netaporter.com and shopbop.com. Their latest swim campaign was shot off the coast of Mexico with Danish model Josephine Skriver (the girl from the Tom Ford Neroli fragrance ads). “We always fashion our ready-to-wear brand first, and our swim then comes from that design perspective and direction each season,” says designer Nicky Zimmermann. “We’re always trying to push the boundaries with our swim.”
Head to www.gilt.com for up to 80% off cult designer label Balmain. Gilt is a members-only sales website so you’ll need to sign up before you can shop, but if they’re offering Balmain for up to 80% off, we’ll do just about anything. Sale is on from October 2-6.
For a quick mid-season bargain, pop into any GAP store in Australia for selected current season stock at up to 50 per cent off, for a limited time.
Ginger & Smart
Take 15 per cent off current-season Ginger & Smart, only online at www.likeastar.com.au until October 26.
Get up to 70 per cent off Sue Sensi, a contemporary costume jewellery label with gold and silver accessories, at www.suesensi.com until sold out.
New online steals
Head to Birdsnest.com.au, which features brands like Metalicus, WISH, Cooper St, Mesop, Esprit Collection, Seduce and Howard Showers, while littlesalebirdy.com has labels Suboo, Shilla, Rodeo Show and Maurie & Eve plus men’s brands, Sandro, Mossimo and Le Coq Sportif, all for up to 70 per cent off retail.
Louis Vuitton is getting in on print action by launching a biannual glossy magazine called The Book. It won’t be available on shelf, however – you have to be on an exclusive LV mailing list to receive a copy … Some of Princess Diana’s gowns will go to auction this December in California, with prices of up to $US80,000 expected for each dress … Both Britney Spears and Beyonce have cut their hair into a “mum” bob. Can we expect a revival of the style?