Kasey Edwards – Daily Life
I was sitting at my desk minding my own business, feeling quite good about myself when an email popped into my inbox offering a “solution” to my “hip dip” problem.
In my blissful ignorance, I didn’t even know what a hip dip was. I certainly had no idea it was a problem that needed my urgent attention to fix.
It turns out that a hip dip, also known by the faintly medical-sounding name “violin hips” is a naturally occurring, if indiscernible, “dip” in your hip curve.
Still not clear? I wasn’t either. It was only after spending the better half of an afternoon poring over Google Images, zooming in to the point where the image begins to pixelate, that I began to see a slight inward curve found below women’s hips and above their thighs that is the tell-tale sign of violin hips.
If you’re still not clear, violin hips is best viewed whilst wearing figure-hugging pants, like leggings. For starkest results, make sure that the leggings are two sizes too small.
From my research, I can report that the condition affects women who have had the misfortune to have been born with a human pelvis instead of those who have been blessed with a 3D-printed designer pelvis measured out with the curve of a protractor.
Violin hips doesn’t discriminate though.
Unlike all those other made-up body parts and issues for women, like the thigh gap, the Toblerone tunnel (Google it), the bikini bridge, the Ab crack, the bellybutton challenge, the collar bone challenge, or my personal favourite, the A4 Challenge where women are supposed to hold a piece of paper up to their waist to see if they can hide behind it, violin hips is admirably inclusive.
As one website explains, violin hips “can occur for women of all sizes from 6 to 22 and up!” In short, violin hips affects 10 out of every 10 women.
Never fear, however, because a solution to violin hips is at hand in the form of “revolutionary padded enhancers”. While the technology is new and complex, to put it in terms that everyday people can understand you stick some polyester and silicone chicken filets to your outer legs, thereby eliminating the dip at your pelvis that you never knew you had.
Best of all, according to the email that I received, this technological marvel for the treatment of violin hips is available for the low, low price of $84.95 (plus postage).
For ladies who are size 16 and above, it’s recommended you combine two hip pads together. You just have to wrap them up in Glad Wrap to join them. I kid you not.
If having some rubbery chicken breast fillets wrapped in plastic stuck to your body doesn’t make your confidence sky rocket, then I don’t know what will.
But beware fellow violin hip sufferers, not all hip dip solutions are created equal. According to the public service announcement on one company’s website, buying their slippery-looking, non-breathable plastic thigh sacks is way more effective than the other commercially available options.
“Shaping shorts can slightly minimise the appearance of the indentation on some ladies, but in most cases the best solution is hip pads,” the leaders in hip dip treatments explain.
Phew! It’s good to know that someone is looking out for us violin hip sufferers.
Of course, there remains another option for dealing with your violin hips. Just set up an inbox rule to send all future correspondence about hip dip to spam. Your life will be better for it.
Kasey Edwards is the author of the young adult series The Chess Raven Chronicles under the pen name Violet Grace.
Writer, author of ’30-Something and Over It’. View more articles from Kasey Edwards.