Everything you need to know about fellatio.
By Abigail Malbon
You probably know fellatio better by one of its more widely-used names: blow job, giving head, going down, BJ, blowy or something similar. But all mean the same thing: oral stimulation of a penis.
Many people with penises love receiving fellatio because it’s a new sensation – one they cannot give themselves, such as masturbation. It’s also a solo pleasure experience, making it different to sex between two or more people, which can make it easier to focus and enjoy the moment.
But some are – understandably – nervous about giving or receiving. Here’s an expert guide to fellatio, including a step-by-step guide on how to give (and receive) oral pleasure.
What is fellatio?
“Fellatio is essentially another term used to describe the oral stimulation of the penis, which ends in an intense orgasm,” says Dr Giuseppe Aragona, GP and Medical Advisor at Prescription Doctor. “It is used to describe oral stimulation which is perhaps longer and done with more vigour than your usual blow job during sex. However, blow job is the most common term for this oral sex act.”
How to give a blow job
Sex Expert Kerri Middleton, who works for Bathmate, says confidence is key when it comes to giving fellatio.
“How to give a BJ is really down to the person in charge of the giving – you’re in control of your partner’s pleasure, the way you perform it and how comfortable you feel in doing so,” she explains. “The first thing is not to overthink it – you’ll only enjoy giving it if you’re relaxed.”
Here are her step-by-step tips:
- It’s best to start off slowly, avoiding the penis altogether. Go for sensual kisses on the inside of the thighs, slowly working your way closer and closer. Teasing with a BJ builds up a great tension and the receiver is sure to enjoy it a lot more. You can involve your hands too – slide one up and down the shaft and tease the head with your mouth while letting the other hand wander. Grab around the butt to help pull up closer to you or cup the balls for some serious stimulation.
- A key thing to also mention is to communicate (maybe not with your mouth full – however, the vibration might be an added bonus to the receiver!), listen to what makes their breathing change or for sudden inhales… you can learn a lot by someone’s natural reaction without having to use actual words.
- Use all of your mouth too, from gentle flicks across the tip of the penis with your tongue, to pushing against the walls of your cheeks – but only go as deep as you feel comfortable with. You can control that by keeping one hand on the shaft to act as a buffer if it’s going further than you enjoy.
How to receive fellatio
Sometimes, receiving fellatio can be just as intimidating as being the giver. Worries about penis size, cleanliness and the like are to be expected, but Emma says the most important thing is to enjoy the moment.
“Flipping it round to being the receiver, again, the number one thing here is to relax – you’ll enjoy it a whole lot more! The more you relax you’ll naturally be able to communicate with your partner as to what you’re enjoying in the moment.”
Of course, it’s important to discuss what does and doesn’t work for you – even if that means putting things on hold. “Let them take control, but guide them if they do something you’re not quite comfortable with (not everyone is ok with ball stimulation!),” Emma adds.
“If you haven’t discussed where they’re most comfortable with you finishing, perhaps make it clear when it’s about to happen (if you can!) so that they can decide what they want to do.”
What are the risks of fellatio?
As with any sex act, there are risks to consider. “The risks of fellatio or oral sex are of course contracting STIs and STDs such as Gonorrhoea, Genital herpes and syphilis,” explains Dr Aragona. “If you are with a long-term partner you may not need to use a condom, however this is personal preference and if you would feel more comfortable then speak to your partner about how you feel.
“If you are about to participate in oral sex with someone you don’t know the sexual history of, you should ensure they use a condom.”
If you’re the giver, it’s important to only do what you’re comfortable with. “Fellatio in some instances can become quite intense, ensure that you go at your own pace and do not force the penis back into your throat as this could cause damage to the throat and oesophagus,” says Dr Aragona.
Once you’re prepared and feeling excited, remember to enjoy fellatio; it can give some serious pleasure.